


Enthalpy

by Princess_Jess



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Characters' thoughts mentioned in story, Daryl is gay, Daryl's awkward coz he loves Rick so much, Introspection, M/M, Merle is a dick, Prison life, Set during season 3, Slow burn Rickyl, Sticking to canon as much as possible, day to day running of the prison, traumatic flashbacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 12:18:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2468033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princess_Jess/pseuds/Princess_Jess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This heat between them, is brimming under the surface, has been for a while now, what will it take for them to come together and share their heat as one?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at Walking Dead fan fiction, I hope I have got the characterisation correct, but I might add my own flair on occasion.
> 
> I do not own The Walking Dead or any characters associated with it.

Prologue

 

Daryl doesn’t quite know how it happened, these swirling embers that threaten to come to the surface and spontaneously combust whenever Grimes flicks his cerulean gaze to meet his, but what he does know is that it is starting to impede on his ability to do even the most rudimentary task. He sits in the guard tower, fiddling with his crossbow in his hands as he squints his gaze across the vast expanse of grounds for any stray walkers. Hours pass, and his shift is over, he heads on back to their cell block for some much needed rest and retreats to his perch- still not fully convinced on sleeping in one of them damn “cells'.

After procuring half of the prisoners’ food supply, Rick felt something halfway to contentment- it was going to be a lean winter, even with their newly acquired loot, and with Lori eating for two, they’d have to go on runs for baby supplies- Lori –sighing, and letting out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding, he made his way to the fences and did another perimeter check, not familiar with the prison’s layout, he kept trying to think of any areas they could have overlooked resulting in a breach they could come to regret later on. After being satisfied that there weren’t any breaches; the sun was starting to dip below the horizon, he made his way back to their cell block and struck up conversation with anyone who wasn’t his wife.

As everyone slowly trickled into the common meeting area, slowly eating their meagre dinner of peas and baked beans, Rick caught everyone’s attention and spoke, “I don’t know what the future holds or how long we will be here, but for now, it’s our home, and let’s do everythang in our power to keep it that way, try to enjoy these new times we have together, we’ve overcome a lot and there’s still more to come, but we mustn’t forget who we are and to live in the now, all of us could die tomorrow, so cheers”, murmurs of cheers rang out and as he scanned along his surrogate family, his eyes locked with the quiet redneck in the corner, and cerulean orbs locked with pale blue and he felt something he couldn’t quite identify.


	2. Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl are both left reeling after the previous events of the Prologue, Daryl goes through some introspection on a particularly traumatic memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I just wanted to express my gratitude for the Kudos, bookmarks and comments! This is my first time writing Walking Dead fanfiction, your positivity is really motivating and inspiring! I hope I haven't made anyone too OOC, but I still like to add my own flair. Keep comments and kudos coming! Shameless plug, I know! :P  
> It was really hard figuring out where I want the direction of this story to go, and I'm trying to even get their mannerisms and vernacular correct, so I've been brushing up on Season 3! Rickyl are my OTP and I wish there was more slash out there with them. All characters are not mine, except Jace and I do not profit from this endeavour.  
> Also, there is a flashback scene with homophobic language and gruesome depictions of murder, if you do not like these perhaps skip this chapter but I feel it frames the person Daryl become.  
> Happy reading!

Daryl was reeling, after Rick’s somewhat optimistic- yet macabre, at the same time- toast, Rick had locked his gaze on him and he couldn’t help but keep staring into the ex-lawman’s eyes, and as someone who avoided eye contact at all costs, he couldn’t help but feel a little baffled how instinctual it was to not waver from Rick’s intense gaze. However, he felt like he was being stripped bare from his gaze alone, everything he was, is and will be, there for Rick to see- an open book of sorts- all these walls he put up were crashing down, he didn’t like the thought, making himself vulnerable to these people- this tough guy act was only that, an act- doesn’t mean he was ready for others to know that, yet. Realising his heart was pounding after what felt like an eternity he averted his gaze from the ex-lawman and observed all those around him, they seemed happy, somewhere to maybe call home and Daryl thought maybe luck had gone their way for once.

…  
For lack of a better word, Rick was transfixed, and shocked, Daryl and him had their eyes locked on each other without aversion for a minute at least, and Rick had to conceal his shock that the hunter hadn’t started biting an errant thumbnail and averted his gaze to the ground within the first five seconds of whatever it was they were currently engaging in. Daryl’s eyes wavered and Rick noticed his eyes observing everyone else and the closest thing to a smile Rick has ever seen appeared on Daryl’s face, Rick almost felt- mournful?- that their intense staring and the electricity at least on Rick’s end that came with it had dissipated.  
Everyone started making their way to the cells to get some much needed rest, and any thoughts of what had transpired with Daryl were forgotten as Lori directed a pointed look towards him and he just knew she had something to say- “What is it that you want, Lori?”- Her eyes widened considerably not expecting him to be so direct, or brusque. “I don’t know, Rick, I just feel since the farm things have changed between us, you’re so cold and unfeeling, it scares me at times”, this response wasn’t anything new to Rick, Lori has told him this many a time, he’s never once yelled at his wife during their disagreements, which he silently commends himself for, not Lori though, some masochistic part of her wants the screaming and yelling, wants Rick to feel something, anything! Not turn as cold as the ice in Antarctica; whether or not she’d fucked Shane, their marriage was in trouble way before the world turned in on itself. “What would you have me say? That I’m in a coma after being shot in the chest, wake up to the world’s end, miraculously find my way back to you and Carl- and slowly piece together my best friend is fucking my wife”- “he told me”- “I am well aware that he told you I was dead, but you find out I’m supposedly dead and you grieve for me by jumping on the biggest dick you could find?!” Rick was getting hysterical now, “and after everything else that happened, said best friend tries to kill me, and I kill him, and to come back and see it in your eyes that the wrong man came back- it crushed me, Lori”, he stares at Lori’s protruding belly, “and I’ll never know if that baby is his or mine and it kills me.” Lori looks like she’s been slapped- this is the most Rick has opened up during an argument in years. “I want to fix this, Rick”- she grasps his hand, “Go to bed Lori, I’ve got stuff, thangs, it’s gonna be a long haul to make this place safe for ya’ll and I need to sleep”- he yanks his hand away and stalks off.

  
He reaches his cell, undresses and settles into the bunk, sleep is futile, it always is- and his mind starts to wander- What was that earlier?! He thinks back to the feelings that were conjured up when he was engaging in that stare off with Daryl- all electricity, static, butterflies and nausea at the same time and he really gets to thinking, the quiet redneck has really stepped up from the volatile at the drop of a hat, in Merle’s shadow persona who threw a bunch of squirrels at him to risking his own life to find a girl who wasn’t even kin, to seeing the madness Shane was descending into before anyone else, and stepping up when Rick looked like he was about to break from the cumulative pressures their little rag tag group inadvertently placed on him, “Ain’t no reason you shoul’ do all tha heavy liftin’”, echoes in his head, yeah, he thinks, he really is becoming my right hand man, interesting. He eventually drifts off to swirling blue eyes and Daryl’s sweaty, muscled arms that somehow always seem to be on display, with the man’s evident dislike for any item of clothing remotely resembling sleeves; he snorts at the thought and rolls over.  
…  
Daryl paces in the guard tower, he volunteered for watch, to try and clear his head, knowing he would keep everyone awake if he paced in the cell block. He thought back to what transpired earlier, locked in a heated staring session with Rick- he remembers his heart pounding and a low, deep heat coil through him- something that hasn’t occurred at such an autonomic, physiological level to someone, anyone in a very long time- not since it happened- the single worst moment of his life, and considering the shit he’s been through- nothing compared to this.

  
See, what you need to understand about Daryl Dixon is before a life of manual labour and trauma weathered his looks not to mention the abuse at the hands of his father, was a very stunning boy, shaggy natural blonde hair falling to ringlets at the nape of his neck, high, angular cheek bone, perfect smile without the need for orthodontics, and charisma to boot, his looks stayed with him all the way up until high school- except he started filling out and developed a lean, muscular frame. Anyway…  
It was another hot day in Georgia, and Daryl was just glad to be at high school to see Jace, the only thing that made high school not as unbearable as it was. They’d been together a year, but it was hard, the late ‘80s not exactly an easy time to be gay, in Georgia no less and his old man, but they made it work, stealing kisses and blow jobs in the boys’ toilets. Jace loved motorbikes and hunting and Daryl loved Metallica and Guns ‘n’ Roses, each other’s favourite things, they were perfect for one another. One day when school was finished for the day, Jace backed him up against the dumpster out of view and kissed him goodbye. Unbeknownst to Daryl at the time, they had been seen, and it was the last time he would see his love alive again.

Wanting to avoid his daddy at all costs, he jumped in through his window and fetched his crossbow and went to hunt some dinner so his daddy at least wouldn’t yell at him for freeloading. He made his way around the wilderness following some squirrel tracks he’d seen earlier, he happens upon a stream and he sees something that doesn’t belong there, a mop of blonde hair he’d recognise anywhere- he runs up to the tree and falls to his knees- it’s Jace, impaled on a branch, clothes ripped off his body- blood everywhere- and what he sees carved into his abdomen stops him in his tracks- “FAGGOT”- and his penis has been cut off. Daryl notices a slip of paper tucked in his mouth acting as a gag of sorts, “You’ve been warned, Daryl”- written in his boyfriend’s blood and it takes all his might to just not collapse from the pain threatening to tear him apart, he wipes some of the blood off his love’s face and he kisses him one last time, before sprinting home running on pure adrenaline alone.  
By the time he gets back their daddy is gone, but Merle isn’t, “What’s wrong, Darlena?” he smirks, “look like ya’ve seen a ghost, or wait, a blonde with green eyes who just become one”- Daryl can’t believe what he’s hearing, says nothing, Merle continues, “ See, ole Merle saw that Jace faggot all but sexually assault ya, and the bitch that you are didn’t fight back, tha’s cool, but I thought I’d exercise my brotherly duty and protect ya”- he unleashes a back hand at Daryl so hard he smacks his head on the wall- “see, I’m givin my lil brother the benefit of the doubt- you didn’ see it comin’- ain’t no Dixon gonna be a faggot, baby brother- but for good measure, I thought, ain’ no one gon’ look afta you excep’ for me lil brother, so I ain’ gon’ let anyone sexually assault ya and get away with it- but I gots to thinkin’ kill the Jace faggot as revenge for what he did to ya, and send ya a message just in case you did like it- Ain’t no Dixon gon’ be a faggot brother, best remember tha’”- as he stomps down on Daryl’s ribs breaking them and punching him until he passes out from the pain.  
…  
Safe to say he wasn’t going to be a pretty boy anymore. See, even though he had always been pretty, his body was marred from his daddy’s abuse from a young age, but he never targeted his face, that changed after Merle beat him, as if to “beat the gay away”, and their Daddy seeing Merle punch his younger son, all but gave Will Dixon the green light to unleash on the only part of Daryl that hasn’t seen a punch, knife, whip or belt- couldn’t have at least let me keep my face good lookin’- Daryl thought bitterly.  
The expanse of the prison grounds materialise in front of him as he comes out of his trance of memories from yesteryear- at least 20 years old- he smiles ruefully, thinking how he felt tonight was exactly the way Jace used to make him feel.


	3. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick relives the horrible events of killing Shane, goes for a stroll and finds comfort in someone he least expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Another chapter up, the past couple of chapters have focused on Rick and Daryl on an individual scale and I really wanted this chapter to be about interactions between them, so sorry if it's a little dialogue heavy, in my head I picture this occurring in season 3 episode 3, when Michonne and Andrea discover the helicopter, so it's an interlude of sorts before shit starts to get real with what happens, I'm trying to stick to episode canon as much as possible.
> 
> Yet again, I hope they're not too OOC.  
> No profits made- just me fangirling about my OTP being together.
> 
> Thank you to my regular commenters, you know who you are- hugs and kisses, now to the story!

“It ain’t gon’ be easy, but Lori and Carl they’ll get over you, they’ve done it before, they’re just gonna have to…” Shane is looking at him with such hatred and mania carved into his face, Rick can’t help but flinch; he’s piecing everything together and it all culminates to this, what he knew all along, what he never wanted to consider. Shane was as blood thirsty before the turn as he is now, Rick reflects on the old days, wondering how Shane managed to work his way out of several police brutality accusations, he was always heavy handed. He murdered Randall, simple as that, fair enough he was part of a group with 30 guys, but he was blindfolded when they travelled with him back to the farm, even if they let him go. He wouldn’t be able to confidently say where they were, and for his cronies to ditch him at the bar, they mustn’t have cared too much- this was Shane throwing his weight around under the guise of doing what’s best for the group.

Shane has his gun drawn and aimed right at Rick’s heart, “You gonna kill me in cold blood? Screw my wife- have my children call you ‘Daddy’”- Rick sneers- “That what’chu want, Shane?” He’s panting, the shell of his best friend standing before him, volatile, tension rolling off him in waves- Rick needs to be careful, or this could go south very quickly, Shane is quick to respond, “Come on, man, raise your gun! You ain’t the good guy anymore, isn’t that what you said? You gonna fight for ‘em? I’m a better father than you, Rick- I’m better for Lori than you, man, I’m a better man than you, you come back here and you just destroy everythang! Raise your gun!” Rick tries to change tack, he can feel his pulse thrumming with adrenaline, it’s almost deafening. “You’re gonna have to kill an unarmed man, now listen to me Shane, there’s still a way back from this…” He studies him, those beady eyes not wavering, not even to blink, and he makes his decision in a split second- Shane has wreaked enough havoc, and a loose cannon in the apocalyptic scenario they currently find themselves in is just downright dangerous- he hands his gun over in a placating gesture toward Shane, and quick as a whip with his other hand stabs his knife to the hilt in Shane’s abdomen and drags it vertically all the way up to the bottom of his ribcage, gutting him, as blood pours out of every orifice, Rick is in hysterics, “Damn you for making me do this, Shane! This is you! You did this to us, this is you, not me”- over and over like a mantra and then-  
…  
Rick starts awake immediately, panting and sweating buckets; he needs to get out of his claustrophobic cell, lest he have a panic attack and that’s the last thing he or anyone else for that matter needs. Ever since arriving at the prison and still to this day, him and Lori have each had their own cell, and that hasn’t changed after he rebuffed her attempt at a reconciliation a couple of nights ago.

He quietly pads out of his cell, and is making his way down the stairs when he suddenly comes into contact with an immovable, hard and muscular chest, he’s still in a daze, and slowly realises it’s Daryl, he doesn’t come to and through his fuzzy vision he notices the archer wave his hand in front of his face, “Rick? Rick, man, it’s Daryl, where are you goin’?” He shakes himself out of his reverie, remembering Daryl had been on watch, he must have finished- “Uh, just need a breather, need some air, you know?”  
…  
Daryl looks at his leader with something akin to concern, well as much as Daryl Dixon can look concerned, anyhow, and he is extremely shit at reading people, but even someone as socially inept as Daryl can figure something is wrong with the usually stoic leader. Daryl despises small talk, just content for companionable, non-awkward silence, but he’ll make an exception, doesn’t mean he has to feel comfortable about it, though, he’s never had a way with words- that was Merle’s domain, charm the pants off a nun if he wanted to- he lowers his head, biting a thumbnail, “Wanna talk ‘bout what happened back there?” Rick looks up at him, shocked the archer has initiated any form of conversation, Rick sighs and plays dumb, “Wha’cha mean?” Boy, was that the wrong move, “Don’t play dumb with me, Sheriff, you won’t win”, he grouses, “Let’s talk ‘bout how you were all dazed and confused like, you looked like one’a the walkers…” Rick sighed, he knew Daryl had been fast becoming his right hand man and supposed that meant Daryl would notice when he wasn’t himself, especially with stumbling around with a dazed look halfway through the night.

“Jus’ relivin’ the memory of when I killed Shane”, it hurt to say it, made it feel more real, “and then lookin’ in Lori’s eyes that it wasn’t me she wanted to come walking back, there I said it- I had to kill my best friend, he wasn’t meant for this world, you know? It awakened a dormant beats within him, but that’s not the hardest part before I did it- killed him- he was sayin’ he was the better man for Lori, that I can deal with, but sayin’ he’s a better father than me for Carl, I couldn’t, Daryl, I couldn’t listen to that”- his voice breaks and Daryl just stands there and after a few beats, comments, “That’s some real heavy shit right there, look, Rick, ya not a cold blooded killer, a’ight? He had a gun pointed at ya, it was self-defence, look, Rick, I ain’t gonna lie, we all could see Shane was mad, it was one of those thangs though, that ya needed to see for yourself and ya did- ya defended yaself and ya did what’s best for the group, a’ight? Don’t beat yourself up about it”, Daryl laughed to himself internally, this was the most he’d spoken in one go in a very long time, and to a Sheriff’s Deputy no less, Merle would have his ass if he knew, “but he doesn’t know”- his brain supplied, “Merle and Rick don’t need to know your feelings run deeper than friendship, Merle ain’t here, what happened to Jace won’t happen again, he ain’t here”- Daryl shuddered briefly at the memory that shook him to his core- Rick was nothing if not observant and he noticed Daryl’s shudder, “You right, Daryl?” “This ain’t about me, Sheriff”, he snapped, no real malice to it, walls immediately back up, and Rick knew to leave well alone; he needed to get another thing off his chest, “Why’d ya shoot Dale for me?” Daryl’s head snapped to attention- “Like I said no reason ya should do all the heavy liftin’- could see ya were struggling thought I’d ease the load”. Rick was still stunned even though he’d heard the reasoning before, but to hear it again shook him to his very existence, “But why? You’ve gone from throwing squirrels at me to doing anythang to make my life easier, it just seems like a paradoxical shift is all”- Daryl looked at him with wide eyes, cursing internally, “Fuck! Am I that obvious?!” running through his brain, he calmly answers, “Look I was pissed at the whole Merle thing, but he’s a dick and if he jeopardised ya’ll I get it, you’ve done alright by me, Rick, you’ve got honour.”

Rick didn’t know what to say, he felt overcome by the gravity of Daryl’s statement, “Thanks, that’s what I needed to hear, Daryl, I feel better already”- he looks to see wisps of light start to come through the windows and he realises they’ve been there a couple of hours at least. “S’nothin, just didn’t want ya’ll going half-cocked to God knows where in a daze from ya nightmare, this group needs ya, Rick”- “I need ya” his brain betrays, he raises his hand as if to pat Rick on the shoulder, but pulls it down, and stalks to his perch to get some much needed sleep, and Rick is left wondering what the fuck just happened.


	4. Ignition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl have a moment, meanwhile, shit goes down at the prison, and despite a loss, there is a new addition to the prison family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,   
> New update for you all- does a happy dance-  
> You know the drill, I hope they're not too OOC  
> I don't profit from this story in anyway, except in feels!! :P  
> take_a_bow06- thank you so much for commenting on more than one chapter, inspiring me and encouraging me- love your work, Darling.  
> Like I've said in comments, this is slow burn Rickyl, but there are moments interspersed before they become a couple.
> 
> Let me know guys when I should increase the rating at some stage, things will get steamy later on.
> 
> Also, I am Australian, for you international readers there may be some colloquialisms you may not understand, sorry!  
> Forgive my gratuitous use of commas and/or hyphens!
> 
> Now to the story!

Rick attempted, albeit unsuccessfully, to try and stop analysing why Daryl had raised his hand as if to squeeze his shoulder but pulled it back down again, maybe he’s not a tactile person, he thought to himself, but he was about to, which means he has it in him, his brain betrayed. He needs to stop analysing everything, or else he really is going to go off his block and he has people to look after, and a never ending list of things to do in regards to do in regards to securing the prison. This isn’t just about me, I’ve got people, children, relying on me to keep them safe, he rationalises.

Rick brings focus back to the task at hand, safety first and foremost.  
“Okay, let’s get the other car in; park them in the west entry of the yard”.  
Daryl the ever trusty right hand man concurs, “Good, our vehicles camped out there look like a giant vacancy sign.”  
Rick continues, “After that we need to load up these corpses, so we can burn ‘em”.  
It’s gonna be a long day”, T Dog mutter as Carol makes her way over and chimes in, “Where’s Glenn and Maggie? We could use the help.”  
Daryl with his finely tuned hunter’s senses points to the nearest guard tower, “Up in the guard tower.”  
“The guard tower? They were just up there last night!”  
“Glenn! Maggie!”  
Glenn sheepishly steps out of the guard tower, to face them, “What’s up guys?”  
“Ya coming?”  
“What?”  
“Ya coming? Come on we could use a hand”.  
“Yeah, we’ll be right down”.

Carol, Daryl and Rick all share a good laugh at the double entendre, a blush appears on Rick’s face and neck as he imagines Daryl making him cum and he averts his gaze to the ground to avoid further embarrassment, but before his eyes fully reach the ground, he notices the same blush he can feel on his face has cropped up all over Daryl’s.

T Dog’s voice draws him out of his reverie and he sees the reason why T called him- the prisoners have made their way to the yard.  
“That’s close enough, we had an agreement”, Rick snarls.  
“Please, Mr., we know that, we made a deal, but you gotta understand, we can’t live in that place for another minute, you follow me? All the bodies, people we knew, blood, brains, there’s ghosts”, Axel implores.  
“Why didn’t you move the bodies out?” Daryl questions, not trusting them one bit.  
“You should be burnin’ ‘em”, T adds.  
“The fence is down, every time we do, it attracts more of those things”, Oscar states with something akin to disgust.  
“Look, we had nothin’ to do with Tomas and Andrew, nothin’, you try’na prove a point, you proved it, bro, we’ll do whatever it takes to be part of your group”.  
“Our deal is non-negotiable, live in your cell block or leave”.  
“Told you this was a waste of time, Axel, just as bad as the guys who shot up our boys”, Oscar laments sadly.  
Rick feels a surge of guilt and looks to his second, a very subtle shake of the head lets Rick know what Daryl thinks of the situation they find themselves in.

Daryl makes his way back to the rest and is surprised to hear that T wants to bring them into the fold, everyone is vocally matching his own sentiment; about T Dog and everyone having to sleep with one eye open, he already does, apparently. He voices his thoughts, “I get guys like this, grew up with ‘em, degenerates, but they ain’t psychos, doesn’t mean they should join us though”. Rick regales them with a story of a boy who suckered the jury and shot another girl 2 weeks later, whether the story was true or not, he’ll side with Rick no matter what, they’ve got too much and too many people to lose.  
…  
“Move the cars to the upper yard, point them facing out, they’re out of the way but they’ll be ready to go if we ever need to bail”, Rick commands.  
Rick decides to give the prisoners a week’s supply of food for the road and tries to ignore the crestfallen face of T Dog when he says he’s rather have no one’s blood on their hands.

Glenn, Rick and Daryl are in the middle of discussing their ammo provisions, making supply runs and burning the corpses as they don’t want to plant crops in walker infested soil, when they see a sight that can’t help but put a smile on their faces, Hershel slowly hobbling on his new crutches. Lori is staring at him with those doe eyes of hers and he can’t bring himself to reciprocate in anyway, so he just focuses on Hershel’s mini victory, until Carl’s cry of, “Walkers!” echoes all around him- deafening in its urgency.  
…  
“Noo!”   
They spring to action, but the three men are so far away from the Walkers, Rick’s not sure if they’ll even be able to help them in time. He unlocks the gates ready to face the swarm of Walkers that threatens to overcome them, feeling some relief that at least Hershel, Beth, Lori, Carl and Maggie are hidden away.  
Rick starts firing, whilst screaming, “What the hell happened?”  
He finds out T was bit, but he can’t dwell on that now, not if they’re all going to make this out alive. Glenn states that cutters had to have been used, and he can’t help but think it was the prisoners and what punishment he’s going to dish out to them, when hell really breaks loose; and he thinks the world can’t possibly go anymore to shit, then the prison alarms sound- well, shit…

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” He hears Daryl exclaim.  
He can see why, those alarms are alerting every walker within a 10 mile radius as to their whereabouts, they’ve got to act quick or this is going to become dire, very quickly. Oscar explains it must be the back- up generators, whilst protesting that they had anything to do with it, Rick brings them with him as they know where the generators are.  
Rick makes his way through the cell block, neither Lori nor Carl in sight and lets out a scream, “Somebody is playing games!” The others walk in, and Daryl gives an infinitesimal nod to his leader, “Took down five of them in there”, they all split up, on the premise that those who reach the generators first will shut them down.

They find what appears to be the generator room, they enter, Daryl and Oscar barricading the door and Rick eventually starts turning the generators off, until a flash of movement in his periphery comes at him full throttle and suddenly it’s Andrew with an axe backing him into a corner- he’s got rage and spitfire in his eyes and he’s going to kill Rick or die trying.

Daryl can’t hold the door much longer and he can hear Rick’s screams, it aches that he can’t do anything to help, but he’s best focusing on not allowing a swarm of Walkers into the confines space, it would be suicide. Meanwhile, Andrew gets a few hits in and Rick is sprawled on the floor- this is bad- Daryl can’t hold the door any longer, gets up, sinks a bolt into the head of an old walker, uses his hunting knife to kill another and shuts the door, to his relief.

To Rick’s utter surprise, Oscar throws a barrel and temporarily stuns Andrew and picks up Rick’s Python, “Shoot him!” Andrew begs, “We can take back this prison!” Rick is trying to placate Oscar thinking he’s going to kill him, “What are you waiting for? This is our house, show him!” Oscar wavers slightly, moves a few centimetres to the left and shoots Andrew, his allegiance clear, Rick comes out of his stupor and nods his thanks. That is more than enough action for today, he thinks to himself.  
…

Daryl makes his way back to the cell block and upon making his way up the stairs to his perch, Rick calls out to him from his cell, he wanders over, not sure whether to go in or not so he just sort of stands there, neither in nor out, he keeps his eyes trained on the floor, “I just wanted to say thanks for havin’ my back, back there, I guess, I’m so used to Shane’s sneering and second guessing that I’m always surprised by you, Daryl, thank you.”

“M’not Shane”, he replies a little defensive for his liking.  
“I know, I jus’ feel he haunts me even though he’s gone, I should give you more credit, you’ve done nothing but good for me, except for those squirrels, they were nasty”, Rick chuckles.  
“S’nothin, it’s what I’m good for, huntin’ and killin’, nothin’ much more than that”, it’s all he knows, it’s all he’s ever been told, and half the time, he was criticised for that as well.  
“It isn’t nothing, Daryl! My best friend of 30 years tried to kill me, what does that say? You’ve done more for this group than they will ever know, don’t forget that.”  
Rick sees Daryl look up at him with swirling blue eyes filled with unspoken words and emotions always so closely guarded, and it is in this moment he realises Daryl is beautiful, not that he’d tell him that, he’d probably have his balls on a platter handed to him, and he has no doubt Daryl would actually do it. He needs to get something off his chest- he’s done that a lot lately- “Hey, why did you raise your hand and pull it away the other night?” Daryl looks at him with wide eyes, before gaining his composure and his finely tuned mask back in place.  
“Dunno, Rick, just leave it.”  
“Come on, I’m serious, I don’t care.”  
Daryl heaves another large sigh, “Was try’na be comfortin’, but then I realised I didn’t know how”.  
Rick feels his heart swell, he pictures a little boy who has never felt love, comfort or affection from those who are meant to give it most. It is while he is in this half alert, half picturing Daryl as a loveless child that without realising he kisses Daryl on the cheek and walks out of his cell, this time leaving Daryl wondering what the fuck just happened.  
…

Daryl is standing at his perch still clutching his cheek, mind running a million miles a minute- does he know? Did he think I was Lori? Is he just screwing with me?- he bites his lip so fucking hard, it starts bleeding- he will just forget about it- Rick looked a bit dazed anyway.  
…

What the fuck was he thinking? Of all people he kisses on the cheek it has to be a badass hunter with a crossbow from the backwoods of Georgia who could beat him to a pulp in seconds- but he didn’t, he had plenty of time to beat you up afterward, but he didn’t, maybe he wants this, too- Shut up brain! He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, so he makes his way to survey the damage of today’s events. Hershel hasn’t seen the others and he starts to worry. He is stewing in his concern when he hears the little cries and sees Maggie shuffling towards him carrying the littlest baby imaginable.

“Where is she?”  
“Rick, no!”  
“No, no, no, no!”  
Carl stares impassively and resolutely refuses to look at his father. Rick starts wailing and falls to the floor in his grief.


	5. Embers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick is not coping well at all in the light of Lori's death, and Daryl tries in his own way to comfort him.  
> Rick is startled by an admission of Daryl's of his life before the turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented and gave Kudos! I love you all!  
> I do not own Walking Dead.  
> I hope you enjoy more interaction between these two perfect specimens of men! I know I do!  
> Constructive feedback welcome!  
> Let me know when I should up the rating, things will get steamy! :P

Static and white noise, that is all Rick can make sense of right now, it is all encompassing, relentless in its assault of his visual and auditory senses. His vision starts to be obscured by the tears that are threatening to spill forth from his eyes, like a dam about to burst. He feels like he is having an outer body experience; everyone is there, but not, and he hopes that this is all just a horrible nightmare that he'll eventually wake up from.

...............

He doesn't.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Rick is not coping well- or coping at all- for that matter. The little rag tag family of the prison are at a loss as to what he's doing and his whereabouts, he's conspicuously absent from sun-up to sun down and most of the time when they see him he's covered in blood and guts, presumably Walkers' and general dishevelled appearance.

He barely eats, giving his food to Carl and Beth- they're still growing- he figures, before stalking off to his cell with a look so grim, that they can't help but feel a little more miserable after he takes his leave. 

Another concerning fact is he hasn't even acknowledged the baby- the baby Lori died to deliver, no less- and Beth brings this up whilst the rest of them are in the common room, "He hasn't even held her yet, I mean, we need to start making more runs, we're not equipped to deal with ourselves, let alone the requirements of a baby, right, Daddy?" She furrows her brow and her eyes are wide in emphasis as she looks to Hershel, he nods his agreement, "Pass her to me, Bethy", she does so and he examines their latest addition, "She's doing well, got a nice set of lungs on her, but she needs formula, or she won't survive". 

Daryl's ears prick up at that, "Nope, no way, we're not losin' anyone else; I'll go for a run first thing tomorrow!" Hershel nods his assent and gradually they all make their separate ways to their cells. Daryl doesn't have watch tonight, so he joins the others in making their way through the cell block. He's got a bit of a conundrum, as a part of him feels he should seek out Rick to see how he is faring. He's barely seen the ex-lawman, which is unusual for them as they can usually be seen killing walkers on the fence, talking about their provisions and among other things- and he'll never admit it to his dying breath, but he misses the ex-lawman, they've been inseparable for a while and since Rick found out about Lori's passing, Daryl himself has felt empty and void, in the shape of a Rick Grimes hole.

Daryl arrives at Rick's cell, eyes focused heavily on the ground; he coughs slightly to alert Rick of his presence.

"Daryl?" Comes the weary response.  
"Yeah, it's just me, Rick."  
"Come on in."

Daryl makes his way in, not knowing where he should situate himself; he sits down across from Rick, leaning against the wall, long, lean legs spread out in front of him.

"Wha's goin' on Rick?"  
"Wha'daya mean, Daryl?"

Daryl scoffs at this.

"Come on man, don' go playin' dumb with me, the whole prison doesn't see you from sun-up to sunset, you haven't even touched your baby girl and your cheeks look more sunken than my Mama's while she was on her deathbed. I know you're grievin', but I need you to hold it together, hell, we all do! You're the glue that holds all'a us together; we're all relyin' on ya!" He states emphatically. 

Rick just looks at him sadly, "You don't know how it feels, Daryl! I know you've got good intentions, but you really have no clue!" He starts wailing and flailing his arms about, and Daryl really starts to get concerned now, their usually stoic leader unleashing everything he's been bottling up for the past several months, and then some. 

Daryl gets angry at this, he gets up and points his finger at Rick, "Don't! Don't you tell me that I don't know how it feels! That I have no clue! You know nothing about me, Rick Grimes!" He says the last part with a sneer; he's shaking now, tears threatening to leak from his flashing icy blue orbs as he remembers it like it was yesterday, Jace's death.

Rick looks up at him, eyes wide, his expression instantly apologetic. " 'M'sorry Daryl, I shouldn't have assumed that you didn't know what it feels like- was it Merle being left behind in Atlanta! Your Mama, Daddy?"

Daryl looks up and snorts, "Merle?! Look, he's my brother, but he's hurt me in more ways than you can imagine, and all I can say for my daddy is good riddance, and as for my mama, I was six, her not being around is basically all I've ever known". 

Daryl looks to the ground, and nervously bites his thumbnail.

Rick, sensing Daryl's apprehension, tries to comfort him, "It's okay, Daryl, I won't judge you".

"I, uh, 20 years ago, I had a boyfriend, Jace, we were perfect for each other- he kissed me goodbye after school one day, and I made my way home through the woods, and he was there- naked and dead, he'd been murdered- I was a weirdo at school, you know? He loved me for me, and he was taken away from me, the only light in a relentlessly dark life, I've never gotten over it, so yes, I do have a clue, and I do know what you are going through!" 

Rick is startled by Daryl's admission; he's never seen him speak that much in one go, for one, also, the hunter is so guarded with his emotions and how he is truly feeling that Rick has never seen him so impassioned, and that first part really wasn't what he expected- Daryl was into men?!- He voices that thought, "Didn't know you swung that way".

Daryl looks down at Rick and scoffs, "What'd I say 'fore? Lots of things you don't know about me, and what I can't be masculine and gay? That's a bit archaic, Rick."

Rick is contrite, " 'M'sorry, Daryl, I just didn't expect you to be gay- and I'm sorry about Jace, what was he like?"

Daryl can sense Rick's sincerity and apologetic tone and he ceases being in the defensive, he heaves a large sigh, " He had this laugh, a real belly laugh, and he would squint his eyes and they would tear up, and I couldn't help but join in, everything was better in my world with him in it: skies weren't as grey flowers blooming, that sort of shit y'know? He loved bikes and hunting, things were easy, gorgeous, too, blonde hair and green eyes, I miss him every day"- he audibly gulps and Rick can see he's barely holding it together, so he tries to broach a change of topic, "It's okay, Daryl, thanks for confiding in me", and he means it with everything he has, because for Daryl to tell him something so deeply pushed down away from the surface, shows that Daryl trusts him, and that means everything.


	6. Ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl thinks back to some memories of his Mama and the sound advice he received from her, whilst at the same time thinking how she seemed to know who he was before he even did and how this shaped how he saw himself as a gay man. Daryl and Maggie go on a supply run for the baby's formula. Rick is reeling in light of Daryl's admission, and whether this brings him one step closer to being with the redneck. 
> 
> Carl really needs his dad right now, but is nowhere to be seen, so he speaks with Daryl and after an interesting line of questioning concocts a plan to get the hunter and his dad together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for leaving comments and kudos- I'm a happy chappy!
> 
> I do not own Walking Dead or affiliated characters.
> 
> Second update in a week, go me!! :P
> 
> I don't know if you guys will like this chapter, it's not necessarily action packed, but I feel that what it has in it needs to be mentioned, with Daryl and Rick both going through some introspection and memories, and I've tried to integrate other members of the cast into the story- a la Daryl and Carl's interactions- I think this chapter was necessary in shaping other chapters to come.
> 
> Love you guys, happy reading.

When Daryl was eight years old, his hair was abnormally long and he revelled in that fact; his Mama cooing to him saying he was her special little boy and that he was the light of her life, he’d just smile a toothy grin and keep playing with his toys and getting caught in her billowy skirts.

 

Daddy must have been in a foul mood from work, because he takes one step in the door, casting his beady, hawklike gaze over his youngest and does a double take, “What the fuck is this, Candy? You try’na turn Daryl into a goddamn faggot?”  The timbre of his voice dropping several octaves, this was bad.

“God, no, Will! He’s just a boy, 8 years old! Let his hair be!”

“Shut up! You good for nothin’ slut! Get the scissors, he’s having a cut”.

Candy acquiesced; it was the only way to avoid far worse things occurring as a result of her husband’s wrath. She left Will to his business, and took Daryl to the bathroom, she’d never seen him look so miserable, “Mama, I don’t want a haircut, I like my hair this way”.

“I know baby, I know, but don’t you want to keep Daddy happy?”

“Yeah, but I want to be happy too”, Candy had never felt so sad in her life, blaming herself for the situation her and her boys found themselves in, she started taking the scissors to his hair, “Baby, I need you to do something for me okay, no matter what anyone says- what Daddy or Merle say- I need you to be happy with the person you grow up to be, I need you to be happy with who you love, can you do that for Mama?” He nodded, not knowing what she meant, but saying yes to please his Mama.

A year later Mama was dead, and any hope of his Mama’s love and protection gone with her in those billowing flames that were all enveloping/

………………………………………………………………

It wasn’t until a few years later when Daryl understood the last part of his Mama’s request, “Why would I need to be happy with who I love?” running through his brain, until he actually learned what the word “faggot” meant, for as many times he’d been called that by Daddy and Merle, he never actually knew its meaning.

When in high school at the mere age of 14, his classmates would throw the word “faggot” around to their helpless victims saying things along the line of, “You like boys, you’re unnatural and gross”, that he learnt its meaning, and when he realised his fellow classmates were obsessing over the pretty blonde girls who were all soft and voluptuous, while he preferred the hard, whipcord muscles of the football team, that he would face overwhelming hostility for his preferences, because not everyone was like him, if it ever came out what he was, and what his Mama had said suddenly made sense, especially when Merle got thrown in the slammer for beating the shit out of “one of those goddamn fudge packers”.

 

After Mama died, any light in his life slowly but surely extinguished, and he turned in on toward himself, so no one would know his secret, but also because he felt empty, a vessel- a series of muscles, bones and organs- until he stumbled upon a boy with blonde hair and green eyes, a boy happened to be named Jace.

………………………………………………………………………….

The prison materialised around Daryl as he made his way out of his thoughts, and he laughed ruefully, his Mama knew what he was from the very beginning, she was intuitive, that’s for sure, well, when she wasn’t in a drunken stupor, and since the day when her request made sense he did his best to abide by it- he wasn’t ashamed of being into men, never had been, but given where he lived, he couldn’t parade it like those Liberals in New York; it was more his overall self-worth that plummeted after his Daddy’s whoopings, being told you’re a worthless piece of trash your whole life is bound to leave an intangible imprint implanted within the deepest recesses of his psyche, and it is these thoughts that get him thinking about that time Rick kissed his cheek- when it happened, he felt like he was about to spontaneously implode and he had to work so damn hard to prevent the inevitable flush that would crop up on his cheeks and neck. **Redneck trash, think he’d come within five feet of you, Darleena, if you weren’t keeping his son fed? He’s a Sheriff, he’s higher than you on so many levels- pathetic, you sound like a fuckin’ woman, loves me, loves me not.** Shut up, Merle, you don’t know shit, his brain hisses to the imagined figment of his brother.

Rick’s cerulean orbs felt like the only reprieve from the endless grey and dreariness of the prison and the life they found themselves living. He muses about just when exactly he developed these not quite platonic feelings for the ex-lawman. Was it when he offered to go back to Atlanta, to find Merle, granted it was Rick’s fault Merle had to be rescued in the first place, but he had just been reunited with Lori and Carl and to offer to help Daryl get Merle back endeared him to the hunter, or was it the way he carried himself? Rick’s purposeful, striding gait, so full of confidence and authority, or the fact he’s held a gun at him thrice- that’s not the attractive part- but Dixon men are an imposing force of nature, and to not be intimidated by him showed Daryl that Rick could more than hold his own, or just the fact that he’s plain handsome, maybe that’s the reason?!

He laughs to himself, Maggie makes her way up the stairs and lands upon his perch, giving him a strange look, “You okay?” He coughs to clear his throat, “Uh, yeah, let’s go”, his gruff reply. They make their way to the front of the prison and leave with the hope of finding and returning with formula for Rick’s baby.

……………………………………………………..

Rick is stalking the perimeter, extinguishing the undead for a second time with the implements spread out intermittently among the fences, he just feels so goddamned bogged down- everyone relying on him- part of him knows it’s his own fault when he declared the group a dictatorship, but he wishes he had at least five minutes to himself, and then Lori’s untimely passing- he knows he hasn’t been handling it in the best manner, but he comes to realise he misses the idea of her- she was a right bitch toward the end of their marriage- but not her, he misses what she represents, being Carl’s mum, family, Prom King and Queen, first love, companionship, but then he remembers her transgressions with Shane and the baby which might not even be his, and their lack of intimacy once Carl was born, they couldn’t foster a connection even if they tried- her death concluded one chapter of his life, maybe it’s time to start anew- **With Daryl, now’s your chance, you’ve been fantasising about those pale blue eyes and dirty, sweaty arms-** Shut up, brain!

It’s true, he’s been thinking about the mercurial redneck more so than usual, but just because his interest has been piqued, doesn’t mean Daryl would feel the same way- **but he is gay** \- his brain supplies, Yeah, but do straight men love every woman they see? That’s what I thought- this internal monologue is exhausting, and he doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but the fact Daryl is only interested in men, is a miniscule step in the right direction.

………………………………………………………….

Daryl and Maggie made it back to the prison unscathed, and were jubilant in that their endeavours had been fruitful, enough formula to last a couple of weeks at least. They found themselves in the common room, their family happy to see them back unharmed, in this world, even the easiest supply runs could go bad at the flick of a switch, there was an undercurrent of goodbye every time one of them went on a run- but today, their family lived to fight another day.

Daryl scanned the room, their leader still absent, but his daughter made her presence known when she started howling, and after being passes around and still not quietening down for anyone, Daryl finally said, “Give her here”, he held her to his chest, un-popping some of his upper shirt buttons- not enough to show his scars, though- to get skin on skin contact with the newborn- he’d read that shit was beneficial for babies- cradled her and fed her, to everyone’s shock and surprise, she quietened down instantaneously.

“She got a name, yet?”

“Uh, not yet”.

“You like that, Lil Asskicker?” he cooed dotingly to the bundle in his arms.

“You like that, sweetheart?”

Everyone fought to keep the smiles from appearing on their faces, it seemed Daryl did have a soft spot after all.

He handed her over to Beth, and stalked off to his perch ready for some much needed rest.

………………………………………………

Daryl was out in the yard, soaking up the sunshine before the winter would be upon them, whittling down some wood into some hopeful bolts, he’d been running low, and today was a good a day as any to make some, the last sporting goods store not yielding anything, which was disappointing really, he didn’t want to be caught with his pants down if a herd posed a threat, it is while he’s carving the sticks with precision that he sees Carl mosey on over.

“What’s up, kid?” He makes in way of greeting.

“Uh, nothing, have you seen my dad?”

“No, kid, I haven’t”.

The kid looks really dejected, and he’s not really in the mood for conversation, but it looks like the kid needs his dad, Rick has his grief, but he’s forgotten Carl is the one who put Lori down and he’s been pretty neglectful.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Yeah, please!”

“Well, talk”.

Carl is startled Daryl is actually talking to him given his gruff persona and all.

 

“I feel I can’t go back, to the way everything was I mean, ever since this whole apocalypse mum protected me you know? But putting her down, I feel so much older than 13, I held out hope things would go back to the way they were, eventually; but that’s never gonna happen, and where the fuck is my dad, I need him right now!” He fumes.

“Language, kid”, Daryl grouses.

“Why, you say it all the time?”

Daryl snickers, “I do, but do as I say not as I do, okay, and I’ve got 28 years on you, so some respect would be nice”.

“Okay, whatever”, Carl sulks.

“Look, kid, I don’t know where your dad’s off to, but talk to me- I lost my mum, too, you know”.

“Really?”

“Yeah”.

“Tell me more about yourself, Daryl”.

 

Daryl doesn’t know what to say, but he can see Carl’s eyes wide and hanging onto his every word, something akin to hero worship shining in them.

“Uhh…”

“Come on! Like how do you know to use the crossbow, I can tell you’ve been using it since before this happened.”

“Gotta eat, it’s one of the only presents Merle got for me.”

“Okay, have you ever had a girlfriend?”

Daryl does a double take and splutters, “What, why?!”

“Just asking.”

“No, never.”

“Why?”

“Jesus, kid, since when do 13 year olds think about these things?” Carl laughs.

“I’m just curious, all of us live on top of each other, it would be remiss of me to not get to know you better.”

 

Carl’s not stupid, he knows for a man to be of Daryl’s age to have never had a girlfriend, it’s probably because he never wanted one, and it’s in that moment in his mind’s eye he remembers his Dad’s lingering gazes at the hunter’s direction; and Daryl’s extremely subtle observation of Rick when he thought no one was looking, and it’s in that moment he forms a plan, he’s gonna somehow get Daryl and his Dad to get together. He misses his mum, and he misses Sunday when she’d make pancakes, but he comes to realise he misses what she represented- Daryl will be a good match for his Dad, and he never did like pancakes.


End file.
